Mojito Mojo

A small mind and a big mouth usually come hand in hand.

Holy shit do I feel behind. *sigh* With everything. It doesn’t help that I come back from vacation & go directly back to 5 days a week at work. And bills are do now. But payday isn’t now. Juggling act, for sure, because lovely SM takes out a shitload of cash and then proceeds to use the ATM. Ummm, hello – one or the other! And his argument of putting the cash back in the bank when we get home never works out because you always end up spending some of that cash & that equals spending more than you figured, more than you should & less for bills. Gah! Boys!

The river was fun. Different kind of crowd and some of the things I was concerned about (mainly regarding SM) ended up happening making me bitter most of the time. I couldn’t just let it slide off my shoulders and have a good time. Probably didn’t help at all that I started & was punctuating the whole time there. Damn PMS moodiness. Monsoon-ed a day & tore the awning off the motorhome, rained another day with what felt like 100% humidity. Other days almost as humid too. Mosquito bombing nightly so you’re itchy the whole time…can you tell I didn’t have the best time, lol? Oh well – it’s over & done with. Move on with life.

SM & I had a much needed talk Sunday morning before getting out of bed. Maybe one day, I’ll get into my personal issues here. I got way into them in my other diary, but I’m still holding back in this one, for some reason. *shrugs shoulders* Right now, I feel like “Hey, now he knows. What he does from here on out is his choice and he can’t say down the road – how did that happen??” It’s something I lightly discussed with him about a year or so ago. Actually, something that is always there because I am a pretty placant girl. I don’t need a lot of attention but what ends up happening is that I slowly get no attention. Turns into me emotionally extricating myself from him. That turns into me feeling like we’re roommates & desiring more from someonewhere else. That whole what could be situation.

Doh – see, I’m getting into it, aren’t I? This would be pages long if I kept going and exploring my feelings and right now, just don’t have it in me. That’s for one of those days I’m alone, you know? Suffice to say that 16yrs with the same person requires work and a conscious effort to keep things fresh, to not fall into the vicious cycle of boredom monotony in every aspect of the relationship. Could I imagine my life without SM? No. Could I imagine it with someone (no one in particular – just that exciting feeling of a new relationship – you know!) else in it? …

I’m getting back into working out. Kinda slacked the past few weeks. I’m not entirely sure what I will do about that when I start working OT hours. I think once I work FT hours, SM will wait for me and we’ll eat dinner first and then go about 7ish. But once I don’t get home until then – that’s the problem area.

Still no job for WAM. Not even going there right now.